Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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