she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
