I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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