best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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