guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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