my phone needs a breathalizer
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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