We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
