Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
