Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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