There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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