he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My penis needs a shock collar
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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