I hate all girls vehemently.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize