Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
