If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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