The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
