Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize