dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
