The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
