Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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