it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
