if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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