i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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