dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
