ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
