All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
