Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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