so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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