Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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