I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
