I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize