I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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