Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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