My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
