why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
