he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
