I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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