My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
