God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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