bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
