question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i now understand why vodka
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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