I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
