I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
