I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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