I can't watch pbs sober anymore
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
