The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
