There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
