i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
