They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So vagazzling was a success
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
