ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
