If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
