Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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