my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
