the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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