I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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