New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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