how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i now understand why vodka
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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