If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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