3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
