Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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