Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
