My vagina just recognized that song.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
