good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
