We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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