I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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