How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
