Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
