what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
