I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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