I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
