Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
