I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
