She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
