she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
