Dual....:-)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
