You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
