When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize