You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
