I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
