Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
