I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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