even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
