I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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