oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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