she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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