Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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