So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
