i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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