you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is wine microwaveable?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
