i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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