trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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