the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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