Moan for me like Helen Keller
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
