I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
