went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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