Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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