I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
