is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
