Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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