So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he fucked my hip out of place.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
